tahiti | Sep. 18th, 2004

I think I'm getting sick. Either I'm getting sick, or I'm super stressed out and my body is reacting to it by not allowing me to breathe -_-;;
I think it's the second part. Ever since Sunday, when Antwan decided to rant about me, I've gotten steadily worse. At first, I just summed it up to allergies, and normal hay fever/fall stuff. But now I'm starting to suspect that it's all related to the fact that I'm stressing out over this. Plus, you add in schoolwork, suddenly being the VP of the Anime Club, and also fighting with Aimee.. and you have one very miserable Tahiti.
So yeah.. Antwan and Aimee went back to Dallas. Aimee called me a bitch on her way out (I think..), and I screamed "Fuck you!" when the door closed. This is starting to be too much. My best friend is a person I don't know anymore. She used to be this great person that I would totally think of as my hero.. and now sometimes.. all I see is a whore. A whore who's desperate for a little "something". That's seriously all I see. I can't be myself around her. I can't play my music, because she doesn't like it, but forget it if I don't like it. It's like 'tough luck'. I can't watch my TV shows, I can't do this, I can't be ME! How am I supposed to live like this for the next 8 months like this? I can't.. I'll go fucking insane before it's over. I have a feeling I may be making an appointment with a counselor. This stuff is just.. starting to be too much for me to handle. I miss my home.
I miss having my dog around. She was always around, either annoying the hell outta me, or being totally sweet. I want to have her down her with me. But nooo! When I said I wanted to have Lilo come live with me if I get an apartment, both of my friends said "No! She's not living with us!" And I'm just thinking.. well then, assholes, who says I have to live with you? Sure, Aimee gets a little cocker spaniel, but I don't get my dog? I see how it is.
I miss my family. And most of all, I miss Chelle. She lets me be myself. I can play Psycho Le Cemu around her, and she won't care. I can obsess over PGSM, and she knows what I'm talking about. I can talk about cosplaying, and she won't whine about how she won't have a costume. I can be stupid and silly around her, because she's stupid and silly around me. I miss just being able to go watch anime with her, or catch a random movie. Or even head up to the mall to torment the people at Waldenbooks. I can't have that with Aimee and Antwan, because they're so busy wondering how to get drunk and how to get high and how to score to notice that I'm not about that. And because I'm not into that, I get called a prude. Or innocent.
Aimee even told me that I'll never keep a boyfriend because I won't put out. I wanted to slap her. She knows nothing about me. I hate the person she's become.
I hate the person I've become.

.. I wanna go home.