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i've got the birthday blues..
Oct. 31st, 2004 12:54 amMy birthday is in less than a week, and for once in my life, I'm not looking forward to it. It seems like everyone wants to do something else. My sister wants to go to the movies with her friends, Aimee wants to go to a club with her friends, Antwan and I aren't speaking, Shakila has a family thing in the evening. It seems like it'll be just Chelle, my parents and I. And who knows? Maybe Antwan will continue to be an asshole and steal Chelle away for the evening. And maybe my parents will have some sort of event to go to, and I'll be alone. Like I'm alone tonight. Like I was alone last night.
I just want to curl up and cry. Antwan said some horrible things to me, yelled at me because I had been overdrawn on my bank account (convieniently forgetting that he too, has been overdrawn before), and told me "My parents care more about my education than me finding a job."
A stab through my heart.
Here was a person who my parents have welcomed into their home, occasionally paying for his meals, trusting him with our video equipment (while not trusting me), and generally liked. And he was spitting on our hospitality. As if.. my parents don't care about my education.
So WHAT if my parents don't give me $250 a week? They're trying to teach me self-reliance. I understand that. But somehow.. that's not good enough for Antwan. How dare he spit my parents' financials back in my face? And then, when I hang up on the phone on him, and sit at my desk and cry, while he calls back and calls me a stupid bitch on the answering machine. Hearing him accuse me of being childish.
How dare he.
If walking away from a situation in which I would've walked over to his room, and strangled him makes me childish, then I will admit it: I am childish. But I will not sit there and TAKE that kind of abuse. My parents deserve more than that.
I feel more alone than I ever have. Aimee disappeared the night Antwan said those things to me to go "talk" to him, and didn't return until 6:30. Last night, we were supposed to watch a movie, and she left at 10, and didn't get back till 2. And tonight.. she left and came back, with Antwan and her new friend Micheal and they were going to Houston. I guess it's fine. If I had gone along, I would've stayed quiet most of the time, and quietly condemned Antwan to the fiery depths of Hell.
Maybe tomorrow will look up.. but I highly doubt it.
Until we meet again,
Tahiti
I just want to curl up and cry. Antwan said some horrible things to me, yelled at me because I had been overdrawn on my bank account (convieniently forgetting that he too, has been overdrawn before), and told me "My parents care more about my education than me finding a job."
A stab through my heart.
Here was a person who my parents have welcomed into their home, occasionally paying for his meals, trusting him with our video equipment (while not trusting me), and generally liked. And he was spitting on our hospitality. As if.. my parents don't care about my education.
So WHAT if my parents don't give me $250 a week? They're trying to teach me self-reliance. I understand that. But somehow.. that's not good enough for Antwan. How dare he spit my parents' financials back in my face? And then, when I hang up on the phone on him, and sit at my desk and cry, while he calls back and calls me a stupid bitch on the answering machine. Hearing him accuse me of being childish.
How dare he.
If walking away from a situation in which I would've walked over to his room, and strangled him makes me childish, then I will admit it: I am childish. But I will not sit there and TAKE that kind of abuse. My parents deserve more than that.
I feel more alone than I ever have. Aimee disappeared the night Antwan said those things to me to go "talk" to him, and didn't return until 6:30. Last night, we were supposed to watch a movie, and she left at 10, and didn't get back till 2. And tonight.. she left and came back, with Antwan and her new friend Micheal and they were going to Houston. I guess it's fine. If I had gone along, I would've stayed quiet most of the time, and quietly condemned Antwan to the fiery depths of Hell.
Maybe tomorrow will look up.. but I highly doubt it.
Until we meet again,
Tahiti
