May. 11th, 2006

tahiti: (Default)
I just finished my Cost Accounting final, which means that I am officially finished with my second year at SFA. What a year it's been. I can't believe that I've been here two years.. it's hard to believe how much time flies, and how much I've changed.
I think that I'm finally content with my life.. and possibly, happy. My shoulders have been burdened with the weight of guilt I have been bearing for the last two and a half years, even since the middle of my senior year. Some of you know what happened to me between my friend Melanie and I, how I ended our friendship because I felt "betrayed" and whatnot. But ever since I ended my frienship with Aimee, I feel like I wasn't the one who was betrayed. I was the one who betrayed Melanie. I let my friendship with Aimee rule my life. She made my decisions, and I, blinded by my loyalty, foolishly went along. As a result, I pretty much cut out Melanie from my life, and made Dom's life hell, I'm sure. (If not hell, then probably very difficult.) Well.. that's never going to happen again. I am still fiercely loyal to my friends, but I'm not going to let one friendship ruin another. I will be neutral, and listen to both sides, and get both stories, before jumping to conclusions. Something that is very hard for me.. since I tend to make rash decisions and leap before I look. But I'm trying.
I think I'm going back to becoming the person I once was. Someone who was happy just to be around her friends, who was less suspicious and untrusting. I am no longer as naive, but wiser, and hopefully, more mature. I have to try to be patient and understanding. And I am trying. And honestly.. I feel better about myself and my friendships than I have in a long time. I understand now that I wasn't who I was meant to be with Aimee. She tried to mold me into someone who was compliant to her needs, but not to my own. (She complained when I tried to wear pink! And I like wearing pink!) And if I denied her, even if I was in the right, she was the victim. I think the best thing I could have ever done in my life would have been deciding to move out of the room we shared. And meeting Allyson and Lauren. What freedom that gave me! I won't deny it- yes, there were happy times with Aimee. There were a lot. But you know.. I have so much more now. In Allyson, I have found a kindred spirit. She lets me be my stupid self, because she's just like me. It just feels so great not to have to pretend to be someone anymore.
Another thing that has helped me on my path has to been to get in touch with Melanie. Even if I had achieved contentment with me, my only way of feeling truly whole would've been to contact her. Because in the back of my mind, I would always feel guilty about what I had done. I did contact her. And she responded, and forgave me. The moment I read those words.. instant relief. She didn't have to forgive me, hell, she didn't even have to contact me. But she did. And honestly, I wanted to cry when I read those words. Because I was just so happy. The only one left I have to contact is Dom. Because he is the one that really deserves my apology. He doesn't have to accept it, or forgive me.. I'd just like him to listen to me. Just so he knows that I'm sorry. That's all I want.

Now that summer's here, I'm hoping to update both of my journals now. I've neglected my LJ enough (even though I do read my friends page almost eveery day), and I want to pick up again. I also want to write more. My muse seems to have come crashing back to me, and I intend to take full advantage of my desire to write. I'm actually working on a FMA fanfiction that centers around Havoc and Sheska. (Yeah, I'm weird.) Argh, it feels so great to write again!
Another thing is that A-kon is coming up. I'm so excited. I'm working for security, so my badge is taken care of, and hotel room will be, because Amy and I are sharing with a bunch of people. It won't be too crowded, but it'll be nice and cozy in there. We'll also be up there from Thursday to Sunday, so if any of you con-goers wanna meet up, contact me sometime before the con, and hopefully we'll get together.
My costumes aren't quite ready yet. I haven't been able to work on them since Spring Break, sans the Mirror of Lota for my Alice costume. Youko's kimono fabric has been purchased, and Donald has been dancing in my head on how to make certain aspects. Donald is the costume that makes me the happiest. A Kingdom Hearts gathering has been planned for A-kon, and we've got quite a few people attending. Someone even contacted me, and asked Amy (whose bringing out her Goofy costume once more) and I to join in on a KH photoshoot, so I'm quite excited about that. It also means that I have to work extra hard to complete Donald. Luckily, money's not so much an issue.
I start working at my dad's shop again next Monday. I really didn't want to, but no one else contacted me, and Lane Bryant (the one store that showed interest) kept giving me the run-around. Plus, the shop really needs someone, and my aunt has promised me 20 hours a week, so I'm taking it. The shop is also flexible about my days off, so I've already asked for A-kon off. With gas prices what they are, and not having my DA or SI income during the summer, I'll take what I can get.

My relationship status is ever constant. But I'm hoping to change that. I met someone. I've known him through the anime club, but only recently have come to know him moreso. His name is Dave, and I've already confessed having feelings for him. It was quite a feat for me. (My roommate forbade me from writing him a note; she said "Sarah! Our social skills have developed beyond what they were in high school!" My response? "They have?") But he didn't shudder in revulsion or pity me. He did say "Aww, I like you too." And we have been hanging out. We've made it a habit to watch Ouran High School Host Club together, although I think the last episode we watched was episode three, but that was before Dead Week and Finals, so hopefully, we'll catch up before I have to go home. He'll also be at A-kon, and has promised to hang out with me, so we'll just have to see how things go. My roommate says that he'll probably contact me somehow during the summer; I say no. We have a dinner waged on this. If he doesn't call, she buys me dinner. If he does, then I don't have to buy her dinner, because my roommate just wants bragging rights. She's so silly, but awesome and I love her.
Wow, this is a rather long entry. And I'm starving.
Off to get food.
Here's to having inspiration!
Tahiti

August 2010

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