Wow! I update! O_O!

Hehe.. God I never update this thing.. unless it's to bitch, or say how down I am o_o; Maybe because the majority of the time.. I'm usually pissy or feeling depressed. *scratches head* I doubt you would call it depression.. more like.. god, what is it I want to say? In a rut, I guess you would call it. But anywho.. We had our Homecoming against Bowie (aka my best friend Aimee's school). I think they put us against Bowie for Homecoming so we'd actually win something decent. Ha, not our team. We lost 28 to 7. Granted, it's better than last year's humiliating 44 to 0, but still! So yeah, that sucked. I had fun though, the drumline kept us going with cadences, so I pretty much danced my ass off. We did okay at our half time, and during Bowie's band performance, I saw Aimee! I was kinda giggling and feeling silly cuz she looked so little, but they looked really good. After the game, I went home and watched my DBZ episodes, and talked to Aimee, since I gave her a call when I was packing up in the band hall. OH YEAH!! Something else happened. After my band practice before the game, I came home to get ready to go, and eat, so my dad could put some power steering fluid in my car. Well.. as it turns out, as my dad was checking the engine, the thing that attaches the radiator hose to the radiator.. kinda broke, almost spraying my dad with hot antifreeze, which for noncarbuffs like myself, is basically spraying someone with scalding hot water. My sister came in and said "Your car almost killed Dad" and I was like.. "nani?", thinking that somehow it had run him over (weird, I know), but it turns out, he almost got sprayed and yada yada yada. So, I had no car to take me to the game and bring me home, and no car to get myself to the band hall in the morning for contest. So yeah.. I was kinda screwed, but my dad said he'd take it in first thing in the morning. I was relieved cuz being without a car would royally screw me and yeah.. it would suck. But anywho.. we had our first contest Saturday.. and oh god, we sucked. Sometimes, we can just tell if we made it or not, but we couldn't tell with this one.. we got 4th. Which is a major letdown from last year, where we got 1st in our class, outstanding music, drum major, color guard, everything. It was just.. so disapointing. I was so upset I decided not to go to the Homecoming dance, which Rochelle tells me I didn't miss much. When my mom came to pick me up, she just dumps her whole bad day onto me, making me feel like shit after the crappy contest. I also felt really sick and just.. blehness. Angel cheered me up though, which she always does. But still, sometimes I feel the need to cry.. I don't know. The other day, I had saved a seat in English for Melanie, but instead, she asked to sit with Shakila, another girl who was also in band. I said it was okay and smiled in such, but I wanted to cry. It was like being rejected or something. I had my purse on the desk next to me and this girl I absolutely CANNOT! stand asked me if that seat was taken. I kinda shook my head and said, "No.. not anymore" and kinda threw it to the floor. Maybe I'm just being a brat, which is probably what's going on. It's just.. I have next to nobody in my classes to talk to. Half the time, I think the people talk to me because I talk to them. Sometimes I just want to be this horrible bitch that lurks deep inside me, that emerges when I'm pissed off. That's what everyone probably thinks I am. 'That Sarah bitch' or 'She's such a loner'. Well, I am.. my defenses have been up for so long.. I can't let them down anymore, and I just don't care to let people in. My heart is cold, my soul is dead.. bleh. That's all my life is. Bleh.
-Thal-